Racism sucks.

It truly does.


I probably haven't mentioned it before, but my daughter is biracial. My husband is African-American (mostly) and I'm Caucasian. Sure, we've dealt with minor issues over the past 10 years, but only recently have I started worrying about raising my daughter in a world full of prejudiced and bigoted people. When I look at that sweet little girl, I don't even see how someone could judge her in any way because she doesn't look the same as all the other kids.


The past month or two has been really, really eye-opening to me in regards to this issue. Maybe I've been living under a rock most of my life, but up until recently I had believed that we lived in a part of the country where people are more liberal, and perhaps less openly bigoted towards other people. I mean, it is hard to know what goes on behind closed doors, but at least my experience with my husband out in public is that people just don't give a shit what either of us looks like.


So a few weeks ago, I was taking my daughter to visit preschools, and was having an extremely difficult time finding a school that offered the quality of education that I'd like for her as well as a diverse class makeup. When we visited one school in a nearby town, the woman I met with (one of the parents) was very "concerned" about the fact that we live in XYZ city, a city better known in these parts for its gang violence than for its beautiful historical architecture and arts scene. This woman was "worried" about whether my daughter would "fit in" with the rest of the student population because of where she came from, or so she said. She said all this with such attitude and disdain that it was easy to read between the lines. All I could think of this woman was, who the fuck do you think you are?!? And, why don't you just come out and say what you're thinking, you racist bitch?!! So, needless to say, I did not choose to send daughter to that school.


Fast forward to this past week. Daughter and I were at a play date at a "friend's" house with two other moms and their 2.5 year olds. Anyways, the moms were sitting around the kitchen table when during a discussion about schools, the host mom reels off about how she used to work in XYZ town and how there were all these "punk Puerto Rican kids, you know the type. . ." and proceeded to deliver the most racist rant I've ever heard in what was supposed to be polite conversation. Not to mention that she prefaced the comment with, "Please don't think I'm racist but. . ." which is a sentiment that immediately sets alarms off in my head because it is almost always followed by a comment that is blatantly racist and out of line, and is almost always uttered by someone who prides themselves for being liberal or open minded. It is just sick.

So, I should probably also mention that one of the other mom's husbands is Puerto Rican, and her children are also Puerto Rican, and it is likely that this host mom didn't realize. (This mom is a close friend of mine whom I've known since I was nine) We know that she wasn't trying to be hurtful, and probably doesn't have anything personal against any of us, but seriously, who says that kind of shit out loud in company you're not that close with?

My friend was heartbroken and I was heartbroken for her, and for our kids. I'm pissed that we've wasted over a year with this little group, and only now the people's true colors are starting to be apparent.

We're not sure if we're going to start to distance ourselves from them or not, or even if we're going to say something to this out of line mom. Our first priority should be to protect our kids from hateful people, so that's where we stand right now.

Finding good mom friends is hard enough, but staying in a friendship with someone who isn't very open minded doesn't benefit us at all.

We should have worn full body condoms.

Um, so yeah.

It wasn't supposed to happen this soon. We were using protection. "After your April cycle," is what she recommended. I didn't even hit my cycle in March.

I shouldn't complain because this is the outcome we were hoping for eventually and I know that we are extremely fortunate to be able to get pregnant with such ease, but after what happened last time, I'm more than a bit worried that this pregnancy will end in a similar fashion to the last one.

The Antidote

My husband is away on business, which means that our household is surprisingly sane. I seem to do better as a mom when I know that I'm the first, and last line of defense, and that I only have two people to take care of instead of THREE. During the times when my husband is away I am better organized, and daughter seems to thrive off of all the order. When husband is home, sometimes I feel like I'm running around like a crazy person, trying to make sure that he is taken care of as well, while ignoring my needs and sometimes my daughter's needs because I am so frazzled. When the hell did it become my responsibility to take care of THREE fucking people?! Oh yeah, the minute I threw my career under the bus and decided to be in the house full time... although I don't remember taking care of my husband to be a part of that deal.

But please don't get me wrong... I miss the man when he is away. Desperately. I hate being lonely and sometimes feeling without day-to-day purpose. All of a sudden it doesn't seem like a bad idea to have chicken nuggets for dinner 3 nights in a row. I mean, daughter certainly won't complain. She'd eat them all day if she could.

Husband will be home late tomorrow night, and I will be glad to have my backup return, even if it means that I have to get back to work, so to speak.

In other news, I finally had my post-D&C OBGYN appointment last week and was relieved to hear that everything is fine. We aren't supposed to start officially TTC until after my April period, although I'll admit that we've been throwing caution to the wind recently and it is making me nervous, but also excited for the prospects and possibilities.

One other piece of information that I was happy to find out, and want to shout from the rooftops to anyone that will listen is that my hormone induced bouts of depression aren't just in my head. The dr. told me that it is pretty common for women to fall into a funk during the week post-ovulation and that there are actually things that I can do about it! She recommended that I increase my calcium to 1000-1200mg/day (2 Citrical), reduce my carb intake and try to take a brisk walk for 15 mins. I am extremely pleased to report that this remedy worked WONDERS for me last month. I hope that it will work every month b/c I feel like I have been suffering these cycle effects every month for over 10 years. I wish I had known sooner that there was something realistic that I could do to help!!!!